There’s been a whirlwind of activity here. I make frequent promises to myself that I will stop saying yes to every possible opportunity or commitment that comes my way, but I fail to uphold that more than I succeed. This is partially because I usually manage to pull things together, even if it’s stressful and difficult—and it usually is both. I feel deeply blessed to have spent another year on the Queer Students of Color Conference organizing committee, and I’m so grateful for the beauty and joy and connection of the weekend, and I’m really glad it’s over now. Juggling 17 credits’s worth of reading and writing, while helping plan a 3-day conference, conducting archival research, singing in a choir, and taking a sight-reading class was a lot to manage.
Classes proceed apace, with only a few hiccoughs, mostly based on a terrible insurance snafu leading to an indefinite delay in refilling my meds, combined with ongoing sleep schedule issues. I’m hoping to rally post-conference, and get back out in front of work.
Now for the resolution review:
Goals:
- Practice self-care and express self-compassion
- Ask for support and use my resources
- Build discipline and be creatively strategic
Month in Review:
What worked? What didn’t?
1) I’ve been reading for leisure as well as for class, and I recently started playing Kingdom Hearts: Union Cross on my phone as a de-stressor and mind resting activity. I over-booked myself really badly, especially towards the end of the month, and definitely hit a wall this week. I took a mental health day, which was very important and needed, because of the insurance issue which prevented me refilling my adderall, so I’ve been struggling to push through without meds for the last two weeks. I have been getting work done, but it’s taking a monumental effort, and my distractability is really getting to me. I can’t even read for leisure, let alone get through my class reading in any kind of reasonable time. I can force it, with the help of caffeine, but it’s mentally taxing.
- Things that have been good: singing in choir, reading books for leisure, bonding time with my bestie, mental health day, cooking food and bringing lunches to campus.
- Things that have not been good: lack of meds, overbooking myself, lack of meditation.
2) My sunrise simulating lamp is amazing, and very effective, as usual. It’s helped me get up and out the door in the mornings, so I haven’t accidentally slept through a class. I have had discussions with professors to check in about my work and my accessibility needs, and those have mostly gone well. I have felt overwhelmed, but mostly managing to get stuff done so far. Interesting enough, I had severe resistance writing this post, and needed to use a combination of upbeat music, coffee, physical movement, and a pomodoro timer to stay on task. Started feeling bored/drowsy, which is pretty normal for unmedicated ADHD, and needed to switch tasks and up my stimulation level.
- Things that have been good: advocating for myself, using the STEM Multi-purpose Room on campus.
- Things that have not been good: lack of meds, miscommunication issues, forgetting to contact mentors.
3) I’ve jumped into Dave Seah’s Virtual Coworking space, which has helped me stay on task and accountable. Everyone is pretty great, and it’s been a nice experience so far. I’ve been trying to use every trick to stay on task, using a bunch of Dave’s tools he’s made, and some systems I’ve developed over time. As I mentioned above, it’s doable, but very difficult to push through my resistance and distractability.
- Things that have been good: revising my poster after the first presentation to have a more effective poster next week, seeking feedback and creative ideas for success.
- Things that have not been good: lack of reward systems, lack of meds.
Planning the Next Month:
What am I working on going forward?
1) Will be working on getting sleep fixed and meditation back in place.
2) Will follow up about meds again. Will ask mentors for help, and contact students in class for their notes.
3) Need to come up with more compelling rewards.
Hope y’all are doing better than me, and that you have a good week. Take care!
See all of the Groundhog Day Resolutions posts here.
Tessara Dudley, Poet-Publisher-Educator-Activist 