Tag: writing

Blog, Groundhog Day Resolutions

Groundhog Day 2015 Resolutions: April Check-In

Another month gone, and I’m late again! I’ve been absent-minded and not using my planner as much, and I really have to get back in that habit, especially since I’ll be so busy this month. I read at the Festival Poetics in Corvallis yesterday, which was fun. Got a bit turned around on the way there, but it was a lovely day, my driver and I talked a lot, and the fields and hills outside the car were beautiful and full of grazing animals. It was gorgeous!

Anyway, on to the GHD Review…

My Goals:

  1. Make regular money from writing
  2. Schedule self-care and practice self-love
  3. Solidify my graduate degree path, and apply to grad school

Month in Review:

What worked?
1) Launched the first book! Also, got a Square card reader and made a Square sales site. Sales have been pretty modest so far, but folks who’ve read the book have been vocal about how much they enjoyed it. I ordered promo cards for the company, and those have been printed and are on the way. I am being paid for one of my reading gigs, and I have a couple more gigs lined up for the month, which means more opportunities to sell the book. And I started a small Facebook group for writing and workshopping poetry, since it’s National Poetry Writing Month. I’ve already written a couple poems through that, and I’m hoping to get one done for each day, to be revised in May and then sent out for prospective publication.
2) I spent too much money in Chicago last week, taking cabs. I got to see the city a bit, though, and had some amazing discussions with cab drivers and attended only half of the sessions, reserving time for naps and relaxation. I didn’t push myself to attend every workshop session, nor all the plenaries, I left some spaces that were too loud or scent-filled for me. Since getting back, I bought a face mask that filters out a lot of things that trigger my fibro, which I’m carrying around in my bag and deploying at need. I had a discussion with the higher-ups at work about making the office and lounge a scent-safer space. (Fingers crossed.) I also dropped my 4th class, so I’m back down to 12 credits, and I’ve been using my now-free Monday and Tuesday mornings to get things down at a more relaxed pace, with less stress.
3) I went and found the deadlines and such for application, and made notes about how and when to apply. I have plenty of time to do it, so this one’s gonna rest on the backburner for a while.

What didn’t?
1) I haven’t been pitching articles or essays at all, because I haven’t been writing them much. However, that one’s going on the backburner for the month, since it’s NaPoWriMo. Only launched one book, instead of two, and I need to send contracts out. Feeling a lot of shame around my disability, and second-guessing whether I should even try to put out this second book.
2) I’m still a bit crap at this one. Self-care, as vital as it is, is not my strong suit, but I’m trying. Things that were an issue: staying in too loud spaces sometimes; not setting boundaries around scent that need to be set; consuming too much food that triggers body issues (especially dairy and sugar); too many carbs, not enough protein, too high blood sugar for too long. Still working on it.
3) No issues.

Planning the Next Month:

What am I working on going forward?
1) Looking into fellowships and retreats for summer 2016, preferably ones with scholarships or stipends. Going to prioritise getting the second book out (which means contracts), and start work on the third. NaPoWriMo writing group needs some pre-scheduled dates to get folks participating; I already started on that this morning. Get better at selling myself and my books. A friend took a couple of books to get into Powell’s, hopefully, and I can start shopping books around to other book shops and maybe some libraries. I just need to bite the bullet and do the thing.
2) As always, re-committing to self care days. I’ve been taking them pretty haphazardly, and I need to pre-schedule them, but priority is getting my blood sugar down, and re-firming my boundaries around sleep time—it’s really noticeable how much more pain and stress I have on days where I get less sleep.
3) This one seems the least urgent, since apps aren’t due until this time next year, so this is going at a pretty slow pace, which is totally fine, and is in fact better for my self-care.

Biggest need right now is organisation, because everything feels urgent when I forget it until the last second or I double-book (already happened twice, and it’s only one week into term. Second biggest is leaning on community, so I’m gonna see if anyone wants to pitch in and help clean my place, since I can’t always stand up for very long. I’ve been letting chores go to conserve energy, but that’s not really sustainable.

 

See all of the Groundhog Day Resolutions posts here.

 

Blog, Groundhog Day Resolutions

Groundhog Day 2015 Resolutions: March Check-In

Whoa! I’m a couple days late for my Groundhog Day Resolutions check-in, but only because I’m so busy. So, let me recap the goals here, and then I’ll get into where I’m at with each one.

Goals:

  1. Make regular money from writing
  2. Schedule self-care and practice self-love
  3. Solidify my graduate degree path, and apply to grad school

Month in Review:

What worked?
1) I am getting everything together to sell Mourning Glory Publishing‘s first book! It’s been proofed, and approved, and it’s all ready to go. I’m nearly done on another, with a third queued up, and so we’ll be basically launching with more than one book. Might be risky, but I think it’s a good range of stuff, and I’m excited to share these books with the world!
2)I have been letting my body call the shots, and while that’s been inconvenient sometimes, it’s also pretty clear that’s what needs to be happening. Also, eating way too many Girl Scout cookies, with no regrets.
3) I have decided that I’m going to try to go into PSU’s MA in Publishing after I graduate next year, because it seems most urgent to me, and I think it’ll be great experience for my own press.

What didn’t?
1) I wanted to set up an e-commerce portal through WordPress, but it looks like I can’t, since my site isn’t self-hosted. I’m looking at other options, and in the meanwhile, I’ll be using Etsy to sell books.
2) I haven’t been scheduling much self-care time. I still think this is needed, so I’ll work on it…
3) No issues.

Planning the Next Month:

What am I working on going forward?
1) Book promotion! I will be reading in the Unchaste Readers Series this month (March 17th), and I’ll be selling books there. I’ve got a modest list of folks to sell to, and of course I’ll be looking at other ways to promote our books going forward. I’m going to work on getting the books up on Etsy, so people can purchase them there.
2) I plan to pick 1-2 days in the next month to just focus on my self-care. This will probably wait until my last assignment is turned in on the 18th, but I’ll have 5 days to relax, and then I’ll be in Chicago for 6 days, and I’ll definitely have the chance to have me-time in there. I’m super excited for that!
3) I need to go in and figure out the application deadlines for the program, and plan accordingly. It’s probably a while yet, so I can look that up and make a plan for getting all the necessary work done with plenty of time.

I definitely have a lot to keep me busy, and it’s coming up on finals at school, so that self-care’s going to be important! But I’m mostly excited to be moving on some stuff I’ve been working on for a while now. (Especially since Mercury moved direct—retrograde was harsh.)

For updates on the books, be sure to follow Mourning Glory Publishing’s site. I’ll be sending a newsletter once the first book launches, and you can sign up for those here. Until next time, friends!

See all of the Groundhog Day Resolutions posts here.

Blog, Book Reviews

Brief life update

Hello, all!

I’m just popping in to share a round up of my latest pieces published, and a little bit about how life’s going.

By the way, most of my pieces are shared as they come out on my Facebook page, and I also share a lot of stuff on there, like essays by other writers and poems I like. Currently, I have a series going where I’m sharing a poem I love every Friday through the summer. If you have a Facebook and are interested in my work, I recommend liking that page. (Yay, shameless self-promotion!)

My pieces published in the last month:

I’ve been keeping busy with writing and school, and some behind-the-scenes stuff. In fact, I just ordered proof copies for my first book published through Mourning Glory Publishing, and I’m about to send contributor contracts out for another. I’m really excited and ready to get these books out and into the hands of readers!

Have a lovely week, everyone. ❤

Blog, Groundhog Day Resolutions

Groundhog Day Resolutions 2015

In the tradition of Dave Seah’s Groundhog Day Resolutions, I have decided to do my own this year. I think having regular days to check in with my progress towards my goals, on a schedule that’s pretty easy to remember, will be better for keeping them in mind. Plus, it removes some of the urgency I feel. Without timelines and plans, I tend to feel like I have to do things now, but I also push projects back each day, telling myself I’ll work on them tomorrow, without really getting things done. (If you also have ADHD, you probably know how this feels.)

So, here are my resolutions for the year:

  1. Make regular money from writing: my first piece for pay went up this morning, and I’m stoked! But I want to be regularly contributing to more sites. I have a couple books in the works (more news very soon), and a regular contributor position at Black Girl Dangerous, but my university job ends in June, and if they hire me back, that won’t start until September. I’m saving money to bridge the summer gap, but it’s anxiety-inducing. If I can get things in order and start making a little money, I won’t have to stress out about this. Also, I plan to keep writing — I’d have to start some time. I set some goals about this in December, and I’m hoping to really get into them.
  2. Schedule self-care and practice self-love: I struggle with this one a lot (many of you know; it seems like I talk about it all the time), but I want to find a way to centre my health and body needs. I need to create a plan to see friends more for hang out/relaxing time. I need to set aside evenings/mornings/days with inflexible boundaries for sleeping in, spa time, whatever. I need to find what works for me, long-term. It’s a work in progress…
  3. Solidify my graduate degree path, and apply to grad school: I want to go to grad school, and I have some ideas about what to do, but I need to look up application requirements and deadlines, pick a school/program, and just go for it. Still trying to get my GPA up, which is complicated by poor health and lack of self-care, but I believe I can do it. So I just have to do it.

Those are the big ones, the ones that will take the most focus and work, but they’re really important to me, and I plan to prioritise them. So, I will be posting on 3 March, 4 April, 5 May, 6 June, 7 July, 8 August, 9 September, 10 October, 11 November, and 12 December about them. I will create work plans and assess time constraints, I will track submissions and find support; I will let go of what I must. I will focus on what I want and need, and what I can and should do for others, and I will practice saying no. I will know that I can, but that sometimes I just can’t. I will be afraid. I will be proud.

2015, you’re already better than 2014 — let’s see what we can create together.

Blog

Another School Term Begins!

The new term started Monday, and I’ve been swamped! I set a really tough schedule for myself this term, and it looks like I’m gonna need every minute of study time I can get.

I have a total of ten books to read in their entirety. Four are by Audre Lorde, including Sister Outsider, The Cancer Journals, Zami: A New Spelling of My Name, and Undersong. The rest are for my Memoir Writing class, and include Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy, Truth & Beauty: A Friendship by Ann Patchett, The Autobiographer’s Handbook by Jennifer Traig, Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell, Close to the Knives: A Memoir of Disintegration by David Wojnarowicz, and The Chronology of Water: A Memoir by Lidia Yuknavitch.

Here’s a selection of the things I will be using this term to help me be successful:

In addition to full time classes, I have 20 hours of work per week, and 2 weekly debate team practices, in addition to my freelance writing.  Like my post about NaNoWriMo last term, I have a lot on my plate. My health has been pretty good the last couple of weeks; hopefully, I can get ahead on my homework this weekend, and minimise my stress. (I’m also trying to colour more as a means of stress management; check it out.) We’ll see how it goes.

Have a good weekend, folks—and take care of yourselves!

Blog

And There’s an End: Reviewing 2014, Setting Goals for 2015

So strange to think that this is my last post for the year! It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster, with my health, my activism, and my work. I’m actually kind of glad the year is ending, and I look forward to being more organised next year, and hopefully preventing another major health problem by taking care of myself.

I’m taking this time to set some intentional goals for the year. I’ve done a lot this year, but I have big plans for the next couple years, and setting goals now means I’m more likely to achieve some of my plans. Continue reading “And There’s an End: Reviewing 2014, Setting Goals for 2015” →

Blog

Thankfulness, Ferguson, and My Father

On thanksgiving day, 1997, after a life of chronic illness and months of declining health, my father died.

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I was very close to him, and he was my role model, and the family member I was closest to, so his death hit me very hard. For years after, my family didn’t celebrate the day. Instead, we would get an ice cream cake, light a candle, and remember him.

After high school, I learned more about the actual history of the day, and of the US, and I became downright uncongenial about it. Celebrating a day that has personal pain for me, and shared pain for indigenous Americans, has for a while now been utterly beyond me.

But this year, I have even less cause for celebration.

The murder of Michael Brown, Jr, and the subsequent absolution of his murderer are an open wound. For over three months, Ferguson has been a present reality in the lives of many Black Americans, and in the lives of our friends and supporters of all races. I travelled to Ferguson at the end of August, because being in Oregon and not in Ferguson supporting the community was too painful. I averaged a panic attack every third day for the month following Mike Brown’s murder. I barely slept, anxiously following the tweets of protesters on the ground. I was a complete mess of fear and rage and sorrow.

And, if I’m honest, still am.

Fibromyalgia symptoms can flare up in response to stress, and on this 111th day without Mike Brown in the world, I am stressed. I have been stressed for each of those 111 days. I do so many things beyond my capacity, but I’ve been clutching tight to my life here to distract from the fact that I could be in Ferguson right now, organising. It’s so hard to complete and fulfil the seeming-arbitrary deadlines and complete some of the mindlessly numbing busywork that I am assigned at school, when I know people I love and admire are in daily danger. Though I do so much, it never feels enough.

Still, I am where I am. Since I cannot go to Ferguson now, I’m doing what I can from home: working with several folks I know to independently publish a book of work by poets of colour, with profits going to organisations active on the ground in Ferguson.

I am thankful for my friends and my family, for supporting me; I am thankful for my doctor, who believes me about my own health; I am thankful for the supportive resource centres at my university, and the understanding of my professors. But I have been thankful and will be thankful for those things; I don’t need a holiday that pushes a false story to cover its genocidal history. It’s important to be thankful for the good in our lives, but our government’s attempted genocide—whether of indigenous or Black Americans—is not a thing to celebrate.

Instead, I light a candle in remembrance: of my father, of the indigenous peoples who died for the stolen land we live on, of the victims of anti-Black racist violence. I light a candle in honour: of my loved ones, of the indigenous peoples living today, of the beautiful Black people who speak our truth to power. I light a candle in hope: of a world where we are free to live and celebrate and be, without fear of repression or murder.

Blog, Book Reviews

Book Review: Here Versus Elsewhere

A while back, I received a review copy of Allison Carter’s 2014 book of poems Here Versus Elsewhere.9780991109289-FrontCover-Sm_1024x1024

This book took a long time to read, because I had to digest every poem individually. I read each one 2 or 3 times, feeling out nuances of meaning and sitting in the feelings evoked.

I found it worked best to read them out loud; many were best experienced when the sound of the words chosen was given space. Rolling them around in my head was certainly interesting, but hearing them aloud really enabled me to connect with each piece. The language used is very deliberate, and reading silently doesn’t do it justice.

The book is broken up into four titled sections—1. Poems for Baby Ghosts; 2. All Bodies Are The Same/And They Have the Same Reactions; 3. Ghost Stories For Ghosts; 4. Advice—and each section has a through-line or theme that was rather exciting to experience unfolding. Sometimes the connections between poems were very obvious, and sometimes they weren’t, but each section worked as a whole in themselves. I often found myself finishing one poem and then going back to a poem earlier in the section to track the appearance of words and concepts, reading both poems again from a more complete, understanding place. Each poem informed my understanding of the ones that came before it.

There are many lines that stilled me, that gave me a little shiver of yes! when I read them, which I immediately re-read over with pleasure. A sampling:

from Sea View Avenue, pg 22:

some on stilts to be eye level
with the soul

from Useless Metals and Time, pg 27:

The kind of day where
you eat the sounds of things:
the sound of peach, not the
peach itself

from Brevity, pg 68:

A party is a buyer’s market in which supply exceeds demand.

from The End of the Hole, pg 78:

At the end of the hole you will encounter a moth made of precious metals and time.

Okay, I can’t quote the whole thing—you’ll have to get the collection for more of this lovely stuff! I absolutely recommend it. The feel of many of the poems was dreamy, a sort of floating feeling I settled into as I went along. The author experiments and plays with words in a way that left me wanting to write. I was even inspired to write a poem review!

Here Versus Elsewhere
At times
Ephemeral beyond belief
With the sound
Of sunset goodbyes
Sandy hellos

A mumbling
Whisper-shout signal
Brings snow in September
And sun in March

Breathless
Long winding
Verbose
Sparkling grandeur
Ermine fur
And puppy kisses
Narrowing
Down
To a
Point

A morsel following
Leaves you
Wanting
And satisfied

I cannot tell why
The telling is futile
Only the turning page can
The necessity of a poem
The ebb and flow of thunder words
Like ocean lightning
Foam white paper
Spilling down
Rushing and crashing until
A sudden withdrawal
That was un-unexpected
In its brilliance

Blog, NaNoWriMo

Learning to Say No: NaNoWriMo 2014

NaNoWriMo is coming up and I’m feeling complex feelings about it. I am so super busy—do I really have time to commit to 50,000 words? On the other hand, I have participated in it the last 4 years, and won the last 3, so I really want to. A lot of my friends are doing it this year, and I want to support them as well…

It seems that I have so much to do, and not nearly enough time to do it in. Recently, dips in my health and energy levels have left me too fatigued to get things done. I’m juggling:

  • a full-time course load—I’m taking 12 credits, the school recommends 3 hours of study per in class hour: 48 hours per week
  • my job as the Queeries Program Coordinator at our QRC: 20 hours per week
  • writing, editing, and meeting for the Black Girl Dangerous EIT Program: 5 hours per week, minimum
  • writing for TheProspect.net—interview prep time, interviews, transcription, writing, formatting, editing: about 5 per week
  • volunteering with the Vanport Multimedia Project—interview prep, filming, interviewing, transcribing, editing, meeting: about 5 per week
  • work around ongoing protests in Ferguson, Black Lives Matter, Justice. That’s All, and Ferguson October—photography, editing, blogging, social media, organising, conference calls: 12 hours per week for the last 10 weeks
  • one-off events: Intersections event (about 3 hours per week for 5 weeks), OSP Poetry Slam (averages to about 1 hour per week for 3 weeks)…
  • sleep—I really do try for 8 hours a night, with greater or lesser degrees of success: 56 hours per week

That adds up to about 155 hours per week. There are 168 hours in a week.

Does anyone have a timeturner I can borrow?

I jest, but it’s true that there’s something wrong here. Eating, showering, other household stuff takes up that remaining 13 hours or so per week, leaving no self-care time. I’ve been struggling with my health a lot this past couple of weeks, and this much work is far too heavy a load.

NaNoWriMo is kind of a big deal: writing a 50,000 word novel in 30 days requires writing about 1,667 words per day. I’ve done it for the last four years, and even “won” the last three while handling school and my other responsibilities, and I’m so tempted to try again this year. But even at my fastest, that’s a solid two hours of typing, assuming I don’t take any breaks, and I know that I’ve never had such a heavy load before. With so much on my plate, can I really commit to something like this?

The answer is no.

Yet, I find myself so ready to be convinced to say yes. As my friends gear up, start finding writing buddies and planning write-ins, I find it harder to hold myself back from volunteering, from signing up and committing to this feat. Truthfully, my health is nowhere near good enough, and my housing is up in the air—meeting my current commitments is proving too much. My heart says yes, but I’ve got to buckle down and say no.

All of the work I’m doing, everything I say “yes” to is fantastic; I’ve gotten so many great opportunities and met so many amazing people. It’s really hard to say no to things you want, but sometimes it’s necessary, so that you can say yes down the road.

 

Do you have any tips you’d like to share about practising self-care and setting boundaries? I’d love to have them; you can comment on this post or send me a message through the contact form.

Blog, Questions & Prompts

#BinderCon: Too Short, So Sweet

The first ever BinderCon is over, and I’m feeling so much about this experience.

For those who don’t know, BinderCon is more formally called Out of the Binders: Symposium on Women Writers Today,and it’s amazing. The weekend is a space for writers, agents, and editors—most of them women or gender non-conforming—to come together and support each other in getting published and in publishing.

There was so much that was affirming about this weekend: being in spaces filled overwhelmingly with other writers from marginalised communities, in-jokes, understanding, teaching and learning and sharing. Everyone I talked to was so kind and friendly and helpful. The volunteers were amazing, and the #BinderCon hashtag was constantly running with quotes, thoughts, and connections made.

The only hardships for me were related to limitations largely uncontrollable. Being new and run on a tight budget, only one meal was provided by the con, and that was a little hard to navigate, especially as a non-New Yorker. The workshops/panels happened in different buildings in disparate locations, and there was a lot of walking, made more difficult because of my lodging difficulties: I carried all of my luggage with me for the vast majority of the last three days, and my body is not happy with that, and I ended up missing both of the Sunday keynotes because of my pain and walking issues. The only explicit identity panels—one for/about trans folks and one for/about women of colour—happened in the same time slot at the very end, and I had to miss them to catch my flight.

Still, the space was great, overall. It’s so important for ppl facing marginalisations to have nourishing spaces like this one, where our identities, issues, and experiences are centred and discussed. I feel so loved and inspired from the last three days—I’m excited for all the writing I will do!

 

My question: do you have a nourishing space to go to for support? Can you find one? Maybe brainstorm where you could look for community that supports you in your needs

Let me know in the comments if you have a resource to share!

Blog, Questions & Prompts, Writing from the Core

Writing from the Core Day 12

I disappeared off here for a couple of days, but I’m not going to apologise, which is my first instinct. Instead, I’m going to open up to you more than I have before.

I have been pretty seriously stressing out about the situation in Ferguson, Missouri. My PTSD was pretty heavily triggered by a series of events last week—encountering a White supremacist in a local diner, hearing about a stabbing on the train I usually take to school, and following the ongoing police riots in Ferguson. I haven’t been able to get much writing on this challenge done. Instead, I wrote and shared a poem for Mike Brown; I’m having trouble focusing on myself with everything else going on.

Day 10‘s prompt was: Write a memory of beauty and/or love associated with your topic.

I didn’t get any writing done on this one. I’m honestly so upset and anxious that I couldn’t think of a beautiful moment related to touch—still can’t, actually. I might go back to it later, but I’m not in a place to write about it now.

Yesterday‘s prompts was: frailty.

This one was easier to work with. I can be honest, because I know that what I write for this won’t be seen. I wrote about how much I struggle with showing weakness.

I had a panic attack last night and the night before. On Tuesday, I called a friend to pick me up and give me a ride home, and I used a motorised wheelchair to go grocery shopping, because my legs were weak and unsteady in the aftermath of my attack. Last night, I made a Facebook post for some of my friends about support I was hoping to receive around my mental health.

I hate to admit when I can’t do everything, or I need help. I tend to downplay how serious my needs are, or act as though I can meet them all myself. I don’t necessarily invite help; I just share my struggles, or vent about a small portion of my frustrations. I’ve gotten into heated debates on social justice issues on social media, and when I later expressed that I wished for someone to step in and support me, more than one person has said they felt I was very capable and they didn’t think they could do as good a job, since I seemed to be doing so well.

I continuously bear up under pressure, and it’s come back to bite me: everyone assumes I don’t need help, even when I do. I need to work on this one, have needed to for years. We’ll see how well I do, now that I’ve articulated some things.

Today‘s prompt is: What have you never said?

Oof. I’m gonna let that alone until I’m in a better frame of mind. I’m honestly just too fragile for this prompt.

Lisa writes that she understands if folks are having trouble with the prompts and our topics, and encourages us to write, no matter what we are writing about. I have a paper due today, but my personal writing will probably be more poetry.

 

Is there something you’re struggling with right now that seems to be eclipsing the rest of your life? I hereby give you permission to take care of yourself. You can ignore the big thing, or you can take time to decompress. You can tell the folks you care about that you’re having trouble, or you can withdraw to a private space and stop taking care of everyone else for an hour or an afternoon, or even the rest of the week. Take care of yourself.

Previous posts here.

Blog, Questions & Prompts, Writing from the Core

Writing from the Core Day 9

Saturday was hard, y’all. There was a stabbing on the train near my house, a murder-suicide in a nearby town, and an extra-judicial murder of a teenage boy by police officers in Missouri. I took Sunday off to decompress from my anxiety and sorrow, but I did get some writing done last night.

Yesterday’s prompts was: What are you hiding from? What are you protecting?

I wrote about my fear of being trapped. Here’s an excerpt:

I feel most uncomfortable with touch when I have the perception that I am trapped, or I might be unable to stop someone from hurting me. I mostly need to be in complete control of how others engage with my body, and will disengage if I start feeling the itchy, prickling sensation on the back of my neck that arises when I am unsure I can get away.

Avoiding touch is a way for me to make sure I am always able to move away from someone who might hurt me as soon as possible. I have been in situations where I felt like I couldn’t move away from someone without provoking violence, and ones where I was packed in among others during rush hour on the train, and ones where someone was over or on top of me. I have been trapped, and I fear being trapped again; controlling how and when I am touched is one way to minimise the chances of it happening again.

I might go back and add more, but I am going to continue on and work on the writing for today. (It’s supposed to get really hot today, so I’m going to spend as much time inside as possible, which means more time for writing.)

Today’s prompt is: If you could change one thing, what would it be? If you could change everything, would you?

How’s that for loaded? My first instinct is to say yes, but I think the real answer depends on what comes out in the writing…

 

Think of your biggest regret. If you could go back and change it, would you? If you did, would you be who you are today? Are you okay with the possibility you’d be a totally different person?

Previous posts here.

Blog, Questions & Prompts, Writing from the Core

Writing from the Core Day 7

Today’s prompts is: When did you begin to put up protective walls? How did you build them?

This prompt is similar to the first day’s prompt, but it draws out a different aspect of the experience and my difficulty. I think this one will be a bit more likely to yield meaningful writing than yesterday’s—I can already tell where it’s taking me, and it’s an important distinction that is teasing out things I’ve not really thought about.

We’re a third of the way through, and this writing challenge has definitely been hard. The only thing allowing me to get through the prompts is knowing that no one besides me might ever see what comes out. The honesty of some of this writing makes me cringe, because I know it could hurt people in my life if they read it.

That’s one of the hardest things about writing out trauma: knowing that you’ve been hiding things from yourself and those you love, and worrying about how they may react to finding out. I’m trying not to let the worry stop me from writing, though. I need to write my truth. I’m 17 years past my first big trauma, and the past two years have been getting harder and harder. Writing is my path to healing, and I’m determined to try to traverse it.

 

Is there something you’ve been having trouble writing about? Try writing about it honestly, maybe using one of these prompts, in a place only you can access. Write in a file that is password protected through email or on a thumb drive. Write on paper and then destroy it. Use code words and false names. Get the feelings out.

Previous posts: Day 1 • Day 2 • Day 4 • Day 5 • Day 6

Blog, Questions & Prompts, Writing from the Core

Writing from the Core Day 6

Today’s prompts is: How are you like what you fear/resent? How has it made you into yourself?

Honestly, I’ve no idea what to do with this. I’m not sure how to write about my topic, touch, through this lens. I am going to free-write today and save this to ruminate on.

 

What are you afraid of? Think about where that fear comes from and how it is connected to you.

Previous posts: Day 1 • Day 2 • Day 4 • Day 5

Blog, Questions & Prompts, Writing from the Core

Writing from the Core Day 5

I finally broke through my block on Day 3’s prompt, and have done some writing. The hardest part was not analysing the memory I was writing about for Day 3. Day 4’s prompt was easier, because I know that my PTSD partly stems from the loss of my father, but thinking about touch and my family is a little uncomfortable. I know that I hugged and kissed and touched more before my father died than in the years after. I’m sitting with some discomfort around this, but I think it’s important—I chose the topic of trauma and touch for a reason.

Anyway, the prompt for today is:
Multisensory collage: When you think over your topic, what fragments come to mind? Words of course, but also images, sounds, smells, tactile memories, movements, tastes, recurring dreams or visions, moments, emotions? List them, stream-of-consciousness, for 20 minutes (or as much time as you have). Try not to think or reflect too much.

Y’all, I am super excited to do this. Trying to generate writing from the last two prompts was really hard—it was scary and I spent some time avoiding it—but this is a different kind of exercise, and I think it might unlock some stuff for me.

 

If there’s something you’ve been struggling with lately, try coming at it from another direction. Move locations or make a collage or build a mixtape or… the possibilities are endless, and thinking of new ways to engage with something difficult might help!

Previous days: Day 1 • Day 2 • Day 4